Haruka's Bad Day
by Anna DeMarco icedragonkatana
Summary: Be warned, this is slap stick humor! Not to be taken seriously. Rating is for a form of violence. Opinions contained here in do not reflect those of the author. Please R&R. Rated M.
1. Haruka's Bad Day

**WARNING: Burning, slapstick comedy and cartoon violence involved. Read at your own risk.**

**Author's Note and Disclaimer: **First let me say, I do not own Sailor Moon or any of its characters. I also have no money so please don't sue me. This story was inspired by a conversation with two of my friends. Thanks to our nick names (Haruka, Setsuna and Michiru) and my sad attempt to refill a butane lighter this story started.

Enjoy.

**Haruka's Bad Day**

**By: **Anna IceDragon

'Bright, warm Saturday morning.' Haruka smiled as she stretched her arms above her head. She had to admit that she loved weekends. No school, sometimes no races, generally no worries recently. She slowly climbed out of bed and walked off toward her closet. 'I love Saturday.' She thought happily.

626

The four outer scouts shared a small mansion like home. The area around it was large and they were able to keep their privacy with little problems. The rich neighborhood was quiet, houses spaced far apart and generally gated. Their home stood a top a small hill, past a gate, up a small private road and surrounded by trees. Sometimes it seemed like there were no neighbors, since the trees blocked any view of them.

Haruka was relaxing in the living room when she heard some one call her. Following the voice she ended up in the small library with Setsuna. The woman's red eyes looked onto her as she entered the room and watched as she approached. The whole thing gave Haruka a weird feeling, but she shrugged it off. Setsuna was like a sister to her most of the time.

"What do you need, Suna?" She asked with the same smile she showed to every pretty girl. Haruka had a tendency to use that smile on these Saturday mornings too.

For a time no answer came, only silence. The guardian of time looked up at here from an armchair. Red eyes scanned up and down the blonde for a long moment. As the silence stretched Haruka began to fidget now and then. She'd never liked staying still when she had other things she could do.

"Don't worry, Ruka." Setsuna all but purred as she stood. The younger senshi gave the red-eyed woman an odd look at the out of character tone. "You look very nice today."

"Uh, thanks Setsuna." She said, almost jumping out of her skin when Setsuna's hand landed on her shoulder. It stayed there as the other woman leaned down next to her ear.

"I could teach you a few tricks, if you want." Setsuna whispered near Haruka's ear. "You'd be amazed what can be done with soy sauce."

"What are you talking about?" Haruka gave in to total confusion and pulled away. She looked at Setsuna only to get an odd smile in return. Before anything could be said Hotaru ran into the room and tugged on Haruka's sleeve.

"Haruka-papa, I need your help." Pleaded the ten year old as Setsuna walked out. Haruka gave a sigh of relief before looking at her daughter.

"What do you want me to do, hime-chan?" She asked, though her mind was still trying to figure out what just happened.

"Can you fill this lighter? I have the fuel right here." Hotaru begged as they left the library and walked down the hall.

"Sure." Haruka took the items offered with out thinking and stepped onto the porch. She placed the fuel canister to the little intake port of the lighter and pressed down. Unfortunately all this did was create a cloud of butane around the blonde's pants, lower torso and hands. She tried several times, until she began to wonder when the tank would run out, and still the lighter would not work. Finally she stopped and looked back at her charge, which stood a safe distance from the fuel cloud about her "papa".

"Hima-chan, why do you have a lighter?" Haruka questioned as she examined both items again. Why wouldn't it work?

"I wanted to try smoking, Haruka-papa." Came the simple answer. It was followed by a muffled curse and the thud of a dropped fuel canister. Hotaru tilted her head and regarded the older woman with curiosity. "What's wrong, Haruka-papa?"

"Setsuna has a thing about soy sauce, ten year old Hotaru wants to smoke, and I am just confused." Haruka mutter under her breath. She rubbed her head and thought for a moment. After a few minutes a thought came to mind. "Hotaru-chan, why don't you go ask your Setsuna-mama about smoking?"

"Okay!" The ten year old raced back into the house as one of her parents slunk toward the kitchen.

"I can't handle that talk today." Haruka mutter as she opened a cupboard. She rummaged around until she found a little package. Pulling out the pack of instant ramen she filled a pot with water and went to the stove. Still in a daze she quickly turned the knob to ignite the stovetop.

626

Michiru nearly dropped her violin as an odd scream erupted from the kitchen. She set down the instrument and looked out into the hall where a confused Hotaru could only point at the front door. Suddenly Setsuna ran back into the house toward the back door. She skidded to a stop as she saw Michiru standing there.

"Michi, Michi, Michi!" She exclaimed, eyes wide as she pointed out toward the back. "Ruka's on fire!"

Michiru's eyes went wide as she turned and ran outside. The two women emerged into the back just as a running, flaming Haruka rounded the house. She barreled past as Setsuna grabbed a garden hose. Soon Michiru stood watching as Setsuna chased the flaming woman near the pool with the hose, though it didn't do much.

626

Haruka couldn't stop running. Everything below mid stomach was now in flames. She vaguely realized that Setsuna was following her around with a hose, vaguely heard Michiru tell her to stop running. She kept going in circles around the back yard and skirting the pool. She didn't hear when Michiru transformed into Sailor Neptune but she did hear what came next.

"Deep Submerge!" A large ball of water raced toward the blonde as she turned to look. Setsuna scrambled back the way she came, avoiding the blast.

It struck full force, driving Haruka back toward the pool behind her and soaking through her cloths. She tried her best to stand her ground against what was a light attack from her partner. It hurt on her burns but put out the flames in one swift move. The attack was soon over and Haruka tittered at the edge of the pool. She locked eyes on Neptune as she waved her arms trying to stay on dry land. Soon her view tilted back ward and water again obscured her vision.

626

Michiru let her transformation drop as she and Setsuna ran to the pool edge, hose now forgotten. As they looked down into the water Hotaru ran over beside them. For a moment all they saw were bubbles left from the impact and traces of reddish water. Just when they were ready to jump in after her, Haruka surfaced. No one spoke as the blonde treaded water and calmly looked up at her family.

"Are you alright Haruka-papa? What's the red stuff in the water?" Hotaru asked, showing at least mild innocence.

"I'm fine now, hime-chan." Haruka covered a wince as she turned her attention back to the older two. "But I think your Michiru-mama should drive to go visit Ami-chan's mother."

"Of course." Michiru replied, catching the hint that she didn't want to say hospital to their daughter. "But first we need to get you out of the pool and find some towels for you precious car."

She was quiet as the two woman helped to gently pull her from the water. She was quiet as she was wrapped in several towels and helped into her yellow convertible. She was quiet as Michiru began to drive them toward the hospital. Finally a small look between humor and confusion crossed her face.

"I was already out before I hit the pool." She said like a child who had been sent to take a second shower.

"I know, Ruka." Michiru said quietly as she looked straight a head. She fought down any hint of what she was feeling, trying not to upset her partner.

"You want to laugh, don't you?" Haruka said after a moment's silence. Her voice conveyed amazement. "You find it funny."

"No." Michiru tried but it got her a glare. After a while she gave in to the smile tugging at her lips. "Oh, come on, Haruka. You know you are going to wish there was a camera."


	2. Setsuna's Bad Day

**WARNING: Any statements about males, religion or homosexuality do not actually reflect the views of the author. Inspired in a large part by real life, with a lot of meddling, this is meant only for humor purposes. **

**  
Setsuna's Bad Day**

**By: Anna DeMarco Ice-dragon-katana**

Michiru Kaioh was sitting peacefully as she read over notes for an upcoming concert. Her deep blue eyes shifted to her incredibly bored lover. Ten'ou Haruka was perched against a wall in her sweats, feet toward the ceiling with heels touching the wall and shoulders on the floor. To herself Michiru noted that the posistion her neck was in looked far from comfortable but the blonde seemed to be in some form of deep thought.

The door to the house opened and shut very slowly and teal eyes popped open lazily. Suddenly a very loud and frustrated noise emitted from the hall and the normally calm time guardian appeared in the living room. At the sudden sound Michiru jumped slightly in her seat and Haruka lost her balance. The blonde toppled to the floor sideways and landed in a pile with a very loud thump sound. Momentarily both Michiru and Setsuna fell silent and waited for the blonde senshi to make some movement. Once she twitched Setsuna walked over and held out a hand.

"What was that about?" Haruka asked as she took a hold of the offered hand and pulled herself from the floor. The blonde rolled her neck a few times as she walked over to sit next to Michiru on the couch. "Bad day?"

"That may just be an understatement." Setsuna commented as she let her self-fall into a near by chair, and very nearly missed. After righting her self she looked toward the other two occupants of the house.

"Would you like to tell us what happened?' Michiru offered politely and watched as Setsuna closed her eyes. A long-suffering sigh escaped the woman as she leaned more into her own chair.

"First I woke up early to take Hotaru to school."

"But Hotaru is staying at Serena's all week." Haruka commented and Setsuna opened one eye to regard the blonde coldly.

"I know, but I forgot until I was half way through making her lunch." Now both red eyes opened and gazed at the ceiling. "Which was another disaster in the making."

"How so?" Michiru gave her friend a curious look.

"Well I decided to make tuna fish, but when I tried to open the can I sliced my finger somehow. For some reason it wouldn't stop bleeding." Setsuna held up her right hand and both noticed the three Band-Aids wrapped tightly about it and the large red spot that stained them. "Once I got that under control the eggs wouldn't boil. I've never had that happen, I mean how does an egg just not boil?"

"Whoa there Suna." Haruka held up both hands as Setsuna stood and began to pace before the two but the green haired woman took no notice. "Maybe they were bad or something."

"No, no. The egg box said they were fine." Setsuna waved her left hand about as she paced back and fourth. "Actually the mayo was expired, and of course once I found the new jar I noticed we had no bread."

"Oh!" Haruka smacked her forehead and both turned their gazes on the blonde. She gave them a sheepish look and tried to smile weakly. "I was supposed to buy that yesterday, I knew I forgot something."

"Please go on." Michiru said before Setsuna could think too much about how Haruka inadvertently added to the day's trials.

"So then I took another shower to get ready for that job interview today." Setsuna stopped and looked squarely at the two. "Do you know how strange it was to interview at a church knowing that other powers exist? I mean once or twice I was tempted to tell the man how Jesus really died."

"What?" Haruka and Michiru spoke at the same time as they heard this and Setsuna shook her head.

"Never mind, I can't talk about it anyway." She began pacing again before the two as she seemed to get more a gaited. "And they passed me up! I had everything down except for some weird print shop program, so they hired the other candidate. I'd like to see them find someone else who can speak Hebrew." The last part was muttered to her self.

"And that's when you came home?" Haruka asked, thinking the long story had ended.

"Oh no." Setsuna said and again took a seat, this time on the arm of the couch. "I got a call from Jerome, you know that man who kept claiming to be in love with me, the one from America. Well he asked if we could have lunch together."

"When I got there I noticed so was the other candidate from work." Setsuna looked at them both with an annoyed expression. "They eloped a few days ago and he wasn't even going to tell me, his wife had to make him. I thought we were friends! And for that matter he claimed he was in love with me just yesterday."

"But I thought you didn't have an interest in him?" Haruka asked, receiving an elbow from Michiru for the remark.

"That is far from the point Ten'ou Haruka!" Setsuna said sternly before she gave a sigh. "I did like him at one point, but for some reason every time we met it just made me stop."

"If you are his friend he should have told you." Michiru put in lightly.

"What about that guy you were dating, what happened?" Haruka asked.

"He just wasn't my type."

"And Yoshi?" Michiru asked.

"Only wanted to sleep with me."

"Taka?" Haruka suggested.

"Male chauvinist." All three winced at the thought; they were from a matriarchy after all.

"Ryu?" Haruka asked again.

"Too long distance."

"Seiji" Michiru asked on a whim though Setsuna hadn't dated any of the Stars. "Or Taki and Yetan?"

"Far too young, do I look like a child molester to you?" Setsuna said, leveling a gaze that said clearly the answer better be no. They both noticed Haruka writing something down on a notepad. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to remember where Yoshi and Taka live." The blonde muttered distractedly.

"For what?" Michiru asked lightly as she looked at the odd notes Haruka was making.

"To go teach them manners."

"HARUKA!" Setsuna and Michiru both yelled in perfect unison. Michiru took away the notepad while Setsuna lightly slapped the blonde on the head.

"Bad Uranus!" Setsuna said with as serious a tone as she could manage at the moment, though there was a glint in her red eyes. "No picking on the poor male mortals."

"Oh come on, just Yoshi?" Haruka plead with her friend and Setsuna seemed to consider it. Michiru balled up the paper and threw it over Haruka's head at Setsuna, this seemed to wake the time senshi and she shook her head.

"Uh, no." Setsuna got a glare from the senshi of the sea and spoke a bit more firmly. "I mean no, absolutely not. We can't beat up the people randomly even if they are low class men who only want to get into a woman's pants. I mean for one thing we'd likely have to beat up the entire male populace of Japan."

"Careful, statements like that lead to wonderings about why you date that gender." Haruka warned and received a light slap on both arms. She grinned evilly and winked at Setsuna. "Hey, you're always welcome to join us."

"Haruka!" Michiru whapped the blonde's head and Setsuna smiled a bit at the innocent look Haruka was trying to give her lover. "I'll have you know that just because I am a lesbian doesn't mean I intend to have a three some for your enjoyment. I have morals you flirt."

"Ah, but I'm sure you'd agree that Setsuna is pretty cute." Haruka replied. Setsuna turned red while Michiru eyed her for a moment before nodding to the statement.

"Yes she is." Michiru said slowly then glared at her lover. "Of course you're still sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Thank you both." Setsuna said as she smothered a laugh and smiled at them from behind her hand. "I think you just relieved my stress. I needed the laugh."

"Anytime Suna." Haruka smiled flirtatiously at the woman perched on the couch arm. "Oh, and you're welcome to join me on the couch."

"Which you seem to want to live on." Michiru added softly to Haruka's devious grin.

"Thank you for the offer, but I haven't quite given up on men." Setsuna said as she stood and left the room.

"Michi?"

"Yes Haruka?" Michiru was back to looking over sheet music even as Haruka wrapped two warm arms around her waist.

"I love you." The blonde whispered into her ear.

"I love you too." Michiru responded in a warm tone and turned to give Haruka's cheek a quick kiss before she turned back to her sheet music. "But you're still sleeping on the couch."

Haruka sighed and just rested her head On Michiru's shoulder. The blonde resigned herself to a night on the couch with a blanket and as tradition dictated in the house, Hotaru's teddy bear.

**AN.**

**Since I didn't explain that last part I will say something about it really quick. It stems from a story by Haruka's Knight called "Cold Night". Yes, HK does know that I used that idea and didn't have any objections.**


End file.
